


Only Human

by Humanity_Strongest_001



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, Depression, Grief/Mourning, M/M, One Shot, Shooting, this is a rewrite
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-26 04:40:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30100422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Humanity_Strongest_001/pseuds/Humanity_Strongest_001
Summary: I know you are dead and I know you left so early, but you don’t know what it is like to grief alone, when the all city is grieving their loved ones that you took away on that day.After a deadly shooting at Silverton High, Magnus Bane picks up the pieces that his brother has caused. Can he understand why his brother did what he did? Will he be able to forgive?(one shot) this is a rewrite
Relationships: Clary Fray/Jace Wayland, Magnus Bane & Ragnor Fell, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Simon Lewis/Isabelle Lightwood
Kudos: 4





	Only Human

Dear brother,

Tuesday 14th June 2016

I know you are dead and I know you left so early, but you don’t know what it is like to grief alone, when the all city is grieving their loved ones that you took away on that day. Dad has locked himself in his bedroom. You wouldn’t know what grief is now, you wouldn’t. The therapist said to write things down, to get it down on paper. So that is what I am doing.

Kieran, I will tell you what you did to me and this family: I get the strange feeling of emptiness in the heart, a shear of nothingness that somehow takes over and holds the soul and threatens to kill me entirely. It gives me this heavy feeling that’s like the weight of the world is resting on my shoulders and there is nothing I can do to get out from under it. It’s like this hole in my heart that is the shape of the one I lost and that makes me feel the need to wipe away any non-existent tears that I want to form but can’t. 

You have torn this family, and you’re on the news, the newspapers and everywhere on social media, I don’t even know you anymore, should I grief for you? Should I not? I don’t know... Dad hasn’t gone back to work and I am afraid to leave the house. I was going to meet up with my friend the day after, but now I can’t even go and see her in her coffin.

The police have searched your bedroom, but I haven’t even looked into the bedroom, dad has cleaned up the room and now it looks like every day you are going to come back but you see you can’t because you had to go and take 15 lives with you.

I need to go and hide this diary, because if dad finds this he will become more angry and more you know what I am talking about Kieran.

I will write to you soon.... Magnus Bane – Your brother

I looked at the first page; I was scared to even write down my thoughts, the numbness feeling in my whole body. I close the diary and shove it under my pillow case. It was late, as I couldn’t go to sleep as the sounds of the echoes of the ear-splitting gunshots will go through my mind.

“Magnus you are not going to bed?” I jumped as I looked at my dad; his eyes were red, as he came over and hugged me. If Kieran saw this he would smile. My dad left the room leaving me with my thoughts again.

How are we ever going to get through this? I thought as I lay down on my bed and just stared up at the white ceiling. 

* * *

The morning came so quickly, but Magnus couldn’t sleep, He looked through the window as the world was silent as if it ended in the night. The sun is still decisively below the horizon and the street is as dark as a black and white movie.

He closes his eyes as the picture of his brother’s face was smiling at him. They were happy then. He reluctantly switched on the light and the room was bathed in an unnatural electric glow. He blinked as he the alarm rang, echoing through his bedroom.

“Are you going to eat breakfast?” Asmodeus questioned looking at his son.

Magnus’s mouth was dry as he turned to look at him.

“I don’t feel like eating…” Magnus said sitting down as Asmodeus sighed.

“You need to eat!” Asmodeus rubbed his temple as he left Magnus with his own thoughts again.

* * *

The Lightwood manor was eerily silent, the dishes were in the sink and the untouched pizza was left on the table.

Alec was standing in his youngest brother, Max’s bedroom. His bed was unmade as if he got out, manga was on his desk opened. He was never going to come home. Alec felt the tears prick in his eyes. The noises of the gunshots flooded back to his mind as he clutched at his head.

“IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME!” He let out a shrilled scream as Maryse ran in.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a one shot fanfic, and this is a rewrite of my original fanfic I am only Human


End file.
